Being an individual in a world that demands conformity can be scary. It is daunting for your child but it is equally frightening as an adult. You are subjected to fashion trends, rules about how you should raise your child and how you should relate, even to the point of why you should get married!

Why the need to conform? It is a structure designed to keep you safe because if there is a formula to follow then there is no need to take any risks or, more accurately, any responsibility. You get to blame the formula for failure and go on ignoring the core issue: your truth.

Your child is subjected to this same formula merely by being a part of this world and so there is no point trying to protect them from it. However, you can give them the special gift of knowing who they are before they feel the need to fit in.

Provide them with the environment and the guidelines; the basic tools of life, such as to put themselves first, have fun, and endeavour to never harm others, especially themselves. You should teach your child that a fire can burn but do not try to stop them getting burnt.

This then teaches them to make their own choices responsibly. Give them the grounding and then allow them the freedom to explore.

What about you – the parent?

Life has become pressurised and serious. You are focussed on giving your child the best life you know how. Rest assured that that is what you will do so take the stress off yourself.

Check who your priority is in your life and make sure it is you, your partner and then your children, in that order. The reason is simple: you are the one thing that no one and nothing can take away from you, and your partner is who you are left with when your children have grown up…and you do not want him/her to be a stranger.

So, everything starts with you. Looking after yourself as a parent is the greatest gift you can give your children. Couples often choose to stay in unhappy relationships “for the children” when a greater gift would be to give them your happiness. Children feel happiness and there is nothing more obvious to them than when it is not there. So, work on you. Get to know you. Seek out your own happiness and take responsibility for your life and your family.

True selflessness is a selfish journey. In order for your cup to overflow to benefit those around you it needs to be full first. So fill it; fill it with the truth of everything that you are, including those aspects that you have avoided looking at. Be wary of false positivity because that hides the truth and whatever truth is hidden vies for your attention. Why hide any part of you? Love yourself unconditionally and the rest takes care of itself, including your family.

“The truth will set you free” but you have to face it and acknowledge it first.